lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
