I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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