hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
