Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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