Life is so much better after having sex.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
There are leaves in my underwear?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
