My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It was confusing and full of hummus
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
