Where is the hickey?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I will pee on everything he values.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
