At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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