Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
