UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Floor bacon is actually really good
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
