I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
