not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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