well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
