Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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