He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We are all done wearing pants today
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
