I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
