I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
