Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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