What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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