rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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