I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
