I looked at my own cervix.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
