sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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