i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
