Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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