i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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