i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
