He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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