Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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