2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
