Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
