No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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