y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
