are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
