why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
