some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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