So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
