So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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