Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
