i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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