I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
