he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
