Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
