I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
