I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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