If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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