FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
and she was petting her beer can
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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