your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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