he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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