Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
