FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
